Does anyone have any thoughts to share on this poem?

Leaves



They drop and rise

to a tuneless song,

coloured like the days

and Autumn melancholy.

Vagrant cradles answering

a whispering breeze softly,

cartwheeling breathless

over musical lawns, shadowed

by the mothering trees they flew from,

finally landing, weighed heavy with water

and slowly dissolving, bright colours now gone.



When do they decide to leave the floral grass of youth

to find an earthless grave in the colourless streets?

Does anyone have any thoughts to share on this poem?
It's good.

First eleven lines capture the floating, aimless path of the leaves.

I'd drop the last two lines though. They add nothing, and the heavy verbosity is inappropriate to the subject.

Keep it "light"!
Reply:Beautiful imagery, awesome use of words... Love it!!
Reply:Very good thought out Poem,,,,,
Reply:I loved it!

Well done!

starred! *
Reply:good one
Reply:I liked it a lot. good word structure. The last two lines were just a touch too verbose, could be trimmed down a bit or for that matter you could end the poem at "and slowly dissolving, bright colours now gone." I'm just kicking around thoughts here, frankly It's your thing, and it's beautiful in the visuals it throws up. Nice bit of work. Stay groovy.