What is the correct etiquette for visiting graves?

This is the grave of a close relative who (although I never had ill feelings toward) didn't see eye to eye with at the end of her life. What sort of floral tribute should I bring, and what sort of message could I write in the card?

What is the correct etiquette for visiting graves?
Call the cemetery office, and ask what the rules are for flower placement, the one that I visit is very strict.

I would purchase something not too expensive or showey, real or artificial doesn't matter.. If you know what her favorite flower or color was, you could do that. A card isn't necessary, but you can do that if you wish. Keep it simple, like "to Aunt Mavis from Sally, you are missed." You do not have to feel like you should apologize for your not seeing eye to eye on things, no letter is neccesary. Depending on your beliefs, Aunty Mavis is in heaven, and has already forgiven you. and a cemetary is a public place, don't leave anything you don't want the rest of the family to see.

The correct ettiquette is that you show up neat and nice, nothing fancy required. You walk to the grave, taking care not to walk on graves on your way, that is considered rude and disrepectful.. You stop and face the headstone, and spend a moment in prayer, or reflection, depending on your beliefs. Speaking out loud is OK, a lot of people do this.

Some people are not sad at the gravesite, and laugh and talk, and spend time visiting, arranging flowers. That is what they do, and it's OK.

My Mom set down the rules for me before she died. I was to make sure she had flowers always, and I knew I was to come out and spend time with her, without her saying so. She threatened vengence from the grave if I didn't. So, I go out there, and say something that would cause her to roll over in her grave, or at least turn to Dad, poke him in the ribs, and say, do you hear your daughter? She quit her job! Mom had a sense of humor, which brings me to the last point: Mom expected a certain behavior at the graves site, and out of respect, and a little glee, I do what she asked, well, mostly.

Hope this helps, sorry about your loss.
Reply:Thank you, lone voter, for the best answer vote! Report It
Reply:dont have to visit or do anything at all, shes dead and doesnt care. if youre trying to impress living relatives, youre wasting time and money.
Reply:buy whatever is cheap (to show a little respect) and just sign the card. no need for words if the sentiment isn't there.
Reply:Just bring a simple white rose, as for the message, as you didn't seem to close, keep it simple write whats in your heart.
Reply:My family is big on going to visit relatives who have passed. It's never been my thing but lots of times we have brought a simple hand picked bouquet and never a note. If you don't have access to flower you can pick go to the Home Depot and pick up a simple potted mum or daises. I don't think it's the flower but the effort of going there that counts.
Reply:You don't have to leave anything.